The thought of trying to be devout and get my life in order as I walked with God while under constant bombardment was too much to bare. Judged by non-Christians on the outside of the church, meanwhile being judged by church members on the inside. It was so frustrating that the only option, it seemed, was to give up.
Many of you have been in similar situations. Some of you may be going through it right now. Like I am.
I am trying to find the words to write, the words to comfort you. Or am I trying to comfort myself? Trying to reassure myself that my Christian walk is a worthy and righteous one.
When I started running from God, almost 25 years ago, I was fed up. I was sick and tired of the drama inside the church. The politics, the double dealings, the gossip.
“How can these people call themselves Christians when they behave so ugly?” I asked myself.
I ran. I ran from God so fast that I know I left many things behind. I am back at church. Have been for almost a year now. Everything was great, until I started getting involved in the activities in the church. That is when I started to notice.
Politics, double dealings, gossip….
It all was there. Lying in wait. This whole time.
I’m so tired of fighting against the nature of humanity. Yes, we may be Christians, but we are also human. Imperfect. Born into sin. We have been redeemed by the blood of the lamb, but it does not dissuade the struggle of fighting against our natural sinful nature. Perhaps that is why so many people don’t walk the path of a Christian? It’s too much of a struggle and it’s tiring.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
The temptation is constantly there. To run again. To leave the drama of “the Church Life”. I paused and thought for a moment, that maybe it’s just me. That maybe it’s just a few certain people in the congregation that aren’t acting as a Christian should.
The sad truth is, it’s all of us.
We all are the problem. We are humans, and are naturally predisposed to succumb to temptation. Temptation of personal desire, worldly things; and this leads to the drama, gossip and double dealings. Most of us forget that to be a member of a church, you must truly give up your own personal needs.
It isn’t about what you want, it is about what the church needs and how the church can better serve God. To give into temptation is easy. To fight it is the hard part that we all struggle against.
1 Corinthians 10:13
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
The world is full of disappointment, greed, evil actions and sadly the possibility to commit these things resides in all of us. But as a community, a church must band together and fight against it. Not for the good of ones’ self. But for the good of the whole church, so all maybe saved.
“If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”
I must stand firm. I must trust that God will use me for the good of myself, my family and my church. I should focus on my walk with Christ, instead of worrying about others. I hope some part of this article helps someone, but I think I wrote it more specifically to help me. I love you all, and I will continue to stand firm in my faith. I pray you all do to.